From the upcoming book "Change Your Attitude - Change Your Life " by Christopher Rausch

Guilt:

Let’s talk about another emotion often tied to our past and that is guilt. Why guilt you might be asking? Well, I have personally seen guilt prevent people from moving on with their lives. As we have done before, let’s take a look at some of those reasons:

-         “I feel guilty about not doing what my parents asked”

-         “I feel guilty for not doing better in school”

-         “I feel guilty for the disability my sibling has”

-         “I feel guilty for all the trouble I caused as a kid”

-         “I feel guilty that I may have sent the wrong signals to my abuser”

-         “I feel guilty for wasting my life away on drugs”

-         “I feel guilty for treating people badly and using them”

You get the picture. Now, let’s ask the same question we did previously “What do all of these statements have in common?” Yes, you are getting the hang of this! They are feelings we are choosing and the events all happened in the past. Although, some may be in the present, which by recognizing them, you can start, down the path of healing. So, what is guilt? It’s the emotional realization we did something wrong. Pretty simple huh? So, if we know we did something wrong, we have the opportunity to make it right don’t we? But wait, there’s more! With the feelings of guilt we lug around, we also imply to ourselves we aren’t deserving of success and happiness because we are bad people. How can I be happy when they were/are miserable? Sound familiar?

I’m going to give you a free tool to begin using at your leisure that is sure to help with your guilt. It’s called (drum roll) an apology. Told you I was sarcastic! And guess what? They’re FREE and in unlimited supply. All right, let me put the serious hate back on. I learned a very important lesson from Randy Pausch who stated there are two parts to an apology. First, “I’m sorry I…”, then “what can I do to make things better?” As Randy so eloquently said, “many times, we forget the second piece.”

Here’s a proven method I have used in my coaching practice. When my clients are struggling with guilt, I suggest they get involved in just the event they are feeling guilty about. For example, I had a client who was now divorced, but felt extreme guilt about beating his wife and kids. I offered the recommendation he volunteer at men’s group to help others who are struggling as he did. His immediate reaction was “C’mon Chris, you can’t expect me to do that!” I replied, “Why can’t I? Isn’t it reasonable that you could help someone from your experiences?” I continued, “Perhaps, as you really commit to doing this, your family will see a positive change in your attitude and will in turn treat you better? Wouldn’t addressing the feelings of guilt, having a good relationship with your family, make for a happier life for you? Or, would you rather continue being depressed, frustrated, and alone?” Your choice.

Often you will see when people get out of street gangs, they are inspired to help others to see there is another way. They aren’t just doing that for the kids, they are doing it for themselves. To heal their heart of what they did in the past. Heck, a lot of them begin working directly with the police – the very people they hated and ran from. Resolving guilt in this way is incredible. Two parties win, then, a cycle begins because as more people win they in turn help other people and so on.

Until the invention of the time machine, we are powerless to go back and change the events in our history that causes our guilty feelings. However, and most importantly, we can definitely make the choice now to invest time and energy by providing support and understanding to others who share our same struggles. By doing so, we make peace with our mistakes and ourselves and thereby are liberated to get busy building a better tomorrow.

Inadequacy:

Who feels inadequate? A heavy girl at the beach, a little person trying to get on an amusement park ride, someone with dyslexia in a reading class, a scrawny guy in the meathead gym are just a few I’m sure. Where do feelings of inadequacy come from? In some situations, the negative chatter in our brains convinces us we lack something therefore do not measure up to someone’s else's expectations. However, let’s consider feelings of inadequacy as it relates to events in our past. Did you ever hear as a child:

“You’re so stupid…”

“I wish you were more like your sibling”

“No more Twinkies – fat people are ugly”

“Quit doing that – you’ll go blind” – we never did go blind did we?

“I just wish you would do something right for a change”

“Just sit down and shut up, no one wants to hear what you have to say”

“I’ll be surprised if you finish the 5^th grade”

Simply put, when we feel inadequate, we are really feeling as though we are less of a person. So what happens when the opinions of others get hard wired into our brains? They limit our beliefs thereby stunting our growth and potential to become what we truly aspire to be. What about the youngster who passionately practices piano every night trying to get just a little bit better, yet constantly hears from his parent, “Godammit that sounds like you’re playing blindfolded! Hey, maybe try that and your playing will improve.” Does the child go on to playing? What happens to his self-esteem about trying new things? Yep, right in the crapper!

Here is some juice for you: there are life suckers out there with such incredibly low self-esteem that they make it their life-long mission to make everyone around them feel even worse than they do. Get away from these people!!! They are poison!

So what are our options? We can choose to let the beliefs and comments from our past dictate the abilities of our future. Or, decide for ourselves to dig down deep, and make the changes we know we need to do. Changing the programming in our minds is difficult, but definitely not impossible. It takes courage, strength, commitment, and a whole lot of hard work. Are you ready to get started?